Sunday, July 10, 2011

"Let your tears come. Let them water your soul." Eileen Mayhew

When I was a kid, life was good. When all you have to worry about is what game you're going to play today, life is good.

Lately, I've seen that there's a dark cloud hanging over my head. Maybe it's made of every stupid thing I ever did. Maybe it's made of all the good things I didn't know. Goodness knows I'm no genius, maybe I don't WANT to know.

Talking to one of my very best friends tonight, he told me I was sad all the time, and, needless to say, he made it clear to me that it wasn't good. 

"Well, okay. I'll try to be happy."


When I got off the phone, I stopped to think about it. I'm not a "happy" person. I have a need for intensity in everything I do. I can thrive on sorrow, a lot of  laughter, passion, and physical pain. I didn't know if I wanted to be "happy".

Well, now. Let me rephrase. GOODNESS KNOWS I don't want to be a depressed emo freak all my life. But most of my friends have a very uncomplicated life. I've gone through things they haven't, and as a result of genes, hard experiences, and just being me, I have an annoyingly complex personality. It's in my nature to be dramatic, and I almost ENJOY being sad sometimes. I don't want to change for anyone, but I don't want to be sad all the time. I want a happy balance. And sometimes, all my happy friends can't understand that. It's odd, almost funny. 

My life would make a good comic strip.

This blog post is almost a letter. Sometimes, everyone should just let me fix my own problems. Sometimes, I want to be happy. Sometimes, I want to be sad. Sometimes, I want to be me.

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